How to Say Sorry in Chinese: Casual and Formal
In Mandarin Chinese, the word for sorry depends on how serious the situation is. A light social slip and a real apology use different phrases. Here are the main ones, written in characters and pinyin, with when to use each.
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The quick answer
The core apology word is 对不起 duìbuqǐ (dway-boo-CHEE). It literally means something like I cannot face you, and it is your go-to for a genuine sorry when you have done something wrong.
For lighter moments, like squeezing past someone or a small social awkwardness, Chinese speakers often use 不好意思 bù hǎoyìsi (boo how-YEE-suh), which is closer to excuse me or pardon me. It is softer and extremely common in daily life.
Casual ways to say sorry
In everyday casual situations, 不好意思 bù hǎoyìsi does a lot of work. You use it to get a waiter's attention, to slip through a crowd, to apologize for a tiny mistake, or even when you feel a bit embarrassed. It is polite but light.
Among friends, a quick 对不起 duìbuqǐ works for small apologies too, and younger people sometimes just say sorry in English or type it in chats. But if you truly messed up, duìbuqǐ carries the sincerity that bù hǎoyìsi does not.
Formal and sincere apologies
For a serious, formal apology, use 抱歉 bàoqiàn (baow-CHYEN). It sounds a little more written and composed than duìbuqǐ, and you will see it in announcements, customer service, and professional settings. 很抱歉 hěn bàoqiàn means I'm very sorry.
To ask for forgiveness more explicitly, you can say 请原谅 qǐng yuánliàng (ching ywen-LYANG), meaning please forgive me. This is strong and sincere, used when the mistake is significant. For deep apology you might combine: 真的很对不起 zhēn de hěn duìbuqǐ (I'm truly very sorry).
Why tones matter here
Mandarin is tonal, so getting the tones roughly right helps people understand you. In 对不起 the pattern is falling, neutral, falling-rising: duì drops, bu is light, qǐ dips and rises. In 抱歉, both syllables fall: bàoqiàn.
You do not need perfect tones to be understood in context, but the rhythm matters. Saying duìbuqǐ with a natural dip on the last syllable sounds much more native than a flat, even reading. This is exactly the kind of thing that improves fast when you say it out loud rather than only reading pinyin.
Chinese sorry phrases at a glance
- 对不起 duìbuqǐ (dway-boo-CHEE) — sorry (genuine apology)
- 不好意思 bù hǎoyìsi (boo how-YEE-suh) — excuse me / pardon, light and social
- 抱歉 bàoqiàn (baow-CHYEN) — sorry / apologies, formal
- 很抱歉 hěn bàoqiàn (hun baow-CHYEN) — I'm very sorry
- 真的很对不起 zhēn de hěn duìbuqǐ (jun duh hun dway-boo-CHEE) — I'm truly very sorry
- 请原谅 qǐng yuánliàng (ching ywen-LYANG) — please forgive me
- 是我的错 shì wǒ de cuò (shr wor duh tswor) — it's my fault
Match seriousness: bù hǎoyìsi for light, duìbuqǐ for real, bàoqiàn for formal.
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Common mistakes learners make
The first mistake is using 对不起 for everything. If you overuse it for tiny things like passing someone, it can feel heavier than intended. For those moments, 不好意思 is more natural.
Second, learners sometimes pronounce qǐ in duìbuqǐ like the English word chee with no dip. The final syllable should dip and rise slightly. And q in pinyin is a ch-like sound, not a k.
Third, do not confuse 不好意思 as only meaning shy or embarrassed. It does mean that too, but in daily life it is most often a gentle sorry or excuse-me.
How to respond to an apology
When someone apologizes to you, common replies are 没关系 méi guānxi (may GWAN-shee, it doesn't matter), 没事 méi shì (may shr, it's nothing), and 不要紧 bù yàojǐn (it's not serious). These are warm, everyday ways to wave off a small issue.
Learning the replies matters as much as the apologies, because real conversations go both ways. A quick méi guānxi lets you accept an apology smoothly and move on.
Make it automatic
Because Mandarin is tonal, the fastest way to make apologies sound right is to speak them, not just recognize the characters. Read the pinyin aloud, feel the dip in duìbuqǐ, and keep bù hǎoyìsi light and quick.
Run a few small scenes out loud: getting a waiter's attention, bumping someone on the subway, apologizing to a friend for being late. Choose the right phrase for each. Practicing these short exchanges out loud, even with an AI speaking partner, trains both the words and the tones so they come out naturally when it counts.
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Frequently asked questions
What is the most common way to say sorry in Chinese?
Duibuqi is the main word for a genuine sorry. For light, everyday situations like squeezing past someone, bu haoyisi is more common and softer.
What is the difference between duibuqi and bu haoyisi?
Duibuqi is a real apology for doing something wrong. Bu haoyisi is closer to excuse me or pardon, used for minor social moments and to get attention politely.
When should I use baoqian?
Baoqian is more formal and slightly written. Use it in professional settings, customer service, and serious apologies, often as hen baoqian for I'm very sorry.
Do tones matter when saying sorry in Chinese?
Yes, roughly correct tones help. In duibuqi the last syllable dips and rises, and in baoqian both syllables fall. Context helps, but natural tones sound much clearer.